


First You Get Hurt, Then You Feel Sorry

by Finn565



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Deception, His name is Brendol Hux cus I like it, M/M, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-28
Updated: 2016-03-10
Packaged: 2018-05-23 16:33:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6122614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finn565/pseuds/Finn565
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hux is taken prisoner of the resistance, he meets a man named Ben Solo. Ben Solo turns out to be an exploit that Hux is happy to use. He wants freedom and he could care less about who he hurts along the way.</p><p>I saw this on tumblr and I drew some ideas for it and here we are now. Not sure who to give the credit to but if anyone knows the post then send it to me and I'll include them on this intro.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Exploits

General Hux couldn't believe it himself. He wasn't too bad off but somehow he'd gotten himself fucked up by some rebel scum. They had over taken him so easily. He knew he should have been training all this time. He would have been stronger than them if he had. But of course he hadn't and now he was waking up in a cell. 

The cell was more like a sweet at a hotel. It had one large queen bed and a large living area, a small bathroom and a closet. Must have been an extra room that they'd lock prisoners up in.

Great, he'd add this to the ever growing list of things he hated. He'd been so foolish. How could he have let this happen. What was wrong with him?

“You sure do mope a lot.” it was a man (looked more like a boy than anything) with dark, long, curly, black hair. He was dressed up like a Jedi and Hux couldn't recall him actually coming in. “All you do is think about your mistakes.”

“What do you want?” he snapped back at the tall figure. “Come to execute me? Has your General finally made up her mind?”

The man laughed “No, my mom doesn't resort to killing prisoners. Even if they are as bad as you.”

“Then why  _ are _ you here?” he narrowed his eyes at the man.

“Actually, I thought you could use something to eat. I brought you some food.” The tall man smiled and showed him a tray of food. A large steak, some potatoes, and a small green salad.

“How do I know it's not drugged?”

The man sighed and set the tray down, he grabbed the fork and knife and took a bite of the steak, the potatoes and the salad.

Hux gasped “You're just going to eat my food?”

“Are you always this difficult? There, not drugged food, now enjoy.”

The man held it out to him and Hux took it gingerly. He picked up the fork and whipped it on his shirt, giving the food a skeptical look, he took a bite. Only then did he remember he was starving. He began to eat faster. Once he was done he realized the stranger was still in his room. “Thank you.”

“You're welcome.” The man took the tray as he passed it back. “My names Ben by the way,  Ben Solo.”

“Hux, just Hux.” He gave a formal nod. “Do they just let you sit in here with me? I could kill you.”

“Judging by the way you got captured so easily I don't belive you, especially not against a jedi.”

So he  _ was _ a jedi. That explained the weird aura and the clothes.

“You're one of the strangest prisoners I've ever met.” The Solo smiled and left without the other man even being able to respond.

This was his first time meeting Ben. He met the tall man again a few days later.

“Hey” Ben smiled as he entered the room.

“You again? What is it this time?” Hux grimaced.

“I just came to visit. Something wrong with that?”

“Why would you want to do that?”

“I thought you might be lonely in here, I can go if you want. My dad doesn't want me talking to you anyways.” The raven haired man turns to go.

“No!” no? What had gotten into him.

“Alright.” Ben had a triumphant smirk on his face.

“Don't look so smug, I am lonely and that's it.” Ben sat down and it was silent for a good long while. “You’re bad at being good company.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Aren't you supposed to talk to me? Maybe weasel some information from me?”

“I guess, that not really why I came in here, though.” Ben shrugs “I know who you are now and honestly my dad is right. You're pretty bad, Starkiller.”

“What?”

“Starkiller, it's what we call General Hux in the resistance.”

“How childish of you all.”

“I guess.” Ben shrugs. “What's it like? Knowing you killed all those people?”

“I don't really stop to think about it.”

“Lives don't mean anything to you?” Hux stares back, he doesn't have an answer for this childish man. “I’ll be back tomorrow.” Ben stands up and leaves. He doesn't know why the question unnerved him. If anyone else had asked he would have said no, lives where an exploit that he could use. He shivered and sat on the bed.

Ben came to visit a lot more than Hux would have liked. Though, there was a plus side to it all. Ben started bringing tastier meals to his holding room. Large meals that tasted fantastic, but he would never express this aloud. Then, Ben starts to bring two meals.

“What are you doing?” Hux looks at the two trays.

“I asked the General if I could eat with you and she granted me permission.” A smile spreads over the raven haired man's face.

Hux gives him and skeptical look before accepting his food and eating. “Why are you being so nice?” he says after swallowing.

“You're a living thing right?”

“Of course, what a ridiculous ques-”

“Then you deserve kindness, right?”

“Not really, not all life deserves kindness.” he scowls,

Ben laughs, it's warm, rich, and full. “I'll see you tomorrow.” He glares as the man leaves, it was not supposed to be funny.

Hux starts to expect Ben everyday. He assumes he will always get a visit from the man. Some days Ben doesn't visit and he hates that he feels a bit more alone in his cell then normal on those days. Ben always returns the next day and apologizes.

“What's your favorite color?” Ben smiles.

“Why do you want to know?” Hux raises an eyebrow.

“indulge me this once, General.”

“I am no longer a General.”

“Whatever, answer my question.”

He's never really had time to stop and think about his favorite color. It's so trivial that it never came to mind. Colors are just colors, but Ben is giving him a patient look. “I suppose it's green.”

“Why?”

What was this, a quiz? “I don't know, Ben.”

“There must be a reason, think.”

Green was a color he seldom saw, especially being a General. He never visited planets and therefore never really got to see green. “I don't not see it as often as I do red or black, or various grays.”

“Well mines blue.”

“Why?” Hux smirks, he throws the question right back.

“There's always a reason.” Ben smiles and gets up.

“Don't you dare leave, you made me answer your question, so you must answer mine.”

“life's unfair isn't it, General Hux.” The man turns and leaves.

He's a little angry but in the long run what can he do to change it. He steams for a while before getting up from his bed. He passes a mirror hung up and stops. He needs a shave, bad. His hair is unkempt and he hates it, he looks like a slob. His bright blue eyes look tired.

Blue. Hux’s eyes widen slightly as he darts each eye to look back and this own blue colored eyes.  _ There is always a reason,  _ echoes in his head. 

A grin spreads over his face, what an idiot. Ben had fallen for him. Him, out of anyone. Why? That was besides the point. Ben was Leia’s son. He was important and could bring him things, HAS brought him things. Ben is a perfect exploit and now Hux has a way to exploit him. A pressure point he can work on and abuse.

  
He was getting out of here, starting now.


	2. Escape

Ben comes in early the next day. Hux smiles as he hears the man come into his living space. He has a plan all worked out. Hes going to use Ben’s affections towards him by pretending to care back, once he has Ben’s trust he will ask to be able to free roam with Ben. At some point Ben will make a mistake and he’ll leave. Its flawless.

“Good morning, Ben.” He keeps the annoyed tone in his voice. If he starts showing affection back this early on in his plan Ben will know something is up. 

“Good Morning, Brendol.” Ben grins, Hux freezes where he is and stares at nothing. He takes quick steps to the living space and narrows his eyes at the man. 

“Where did you hear that name?” Hux says slowly.

“Brendol Hux the second, right? Why didn't you just tell me your name?”

“Because I don’t have too, Ben Solo.”

“Withholding information from us is punishable, General. Lucky for you, I’m not going to tell anyone.”

Hux rolls his eyes, “Oh yah, I’m so lucky.”

“How are you doing?” The joking tone is gone and theres that soft spot Hux is ready to use to his advantage. 

“I’m well enough.” His first move, “How are you?” It's an innocent question and if anyone was paying attention they would see it as an actual inquiry, like he cared how the man was.

“I’m good.” There's a small pause, it's worked. He's never asked the question back, Ben had noticed. 

“What are you here to bug me about this time?” He lets the annoyed tone back.

“I just wanted to visit, get to know you more.” Ben smiles and sits down in a big chair.

“What more do you want to know?” he sounds miffed.

“All I know about you is your favorite color.”

“Well maybe that's all you should know.”

“I’d like to know more, though.”

“Why is that, Ben Solo?” Hux smirks, driving his imaginary fingers into a soft point. 

The other man's smile drops and he turns red slightly, “I should go.” Ben leaves and Hux smiles to himself.

It takes a long time for him to warm up to the point where he's actually acting happy to see Ben. The man is falling for it like a charm. He smiles at Ben when they talk and Hux acts comfortable in their conversations.

“My dad doesn’t really spend any time with me.” Ben throws a rock across a small pond. 

“At least your dad accepts you right, and you can’t really expect him to hang around. He's running a resistance with your mom. He's probably pretty busy.” Hux sits in the grass, he hopes he sounds actually interested. He convinced Ben to get him special permission to come outside. He has to be monitored by Ben, though. 

“I guess. I mean, we used to spend more time before the resistance started. We used to spend time outside and he would give me piggy back rides.” Ben sighs, “Everything changed with the First Order.”

He felt a pang of guilt run through him. He squashed it immediately, this was too far. He had to put his plans into action. 

It took him a while and a few more walks outside of his cell to finally feel the right time. They were outside under a tree that had dark bark and twisting branches. Light pink flowers bloomed all over the branches. 

“Ben.” He looked at the raven haired man.

“Yes, Hux.”

“I really appreciate you getting me all this special permission and trusting me.” His biggest mistake was trusting Hux, he just didn’t know it yet. What a fool.

“You’re welcome, Hux.”

Here's the part he's not so happy about. He must get Ben into his room, and anyone can guess what that means. Not sex, gods no. He was not about to have sex to escape. 

He lightly touches Ben’s shoulder. The man looks down at his pale fingers. When those brown eyes return to him he makes sure he's looking at Ben’s lips. He slowly moves his eyes back to Ben’s and tries to communicate to the man that he wants to kiss. It works, he can hear Ben’s breath hitch and his cheeks turn a darker shade. 

Hux leans in and brushes their lips together. It's not unpleasant but it's not something he really likes either. Ben pushes back harder and he goes along with it. Large hands touch his hips and he pulls away, he has to set a boundary. “How about we head back?” His voice implies that he wants the jedi to come with him.

Ben nods and helps him up. They make a silent walk back to Hux’s chamber . Once inside he makes sure that Ben hadn't locked the door once he was in. He pulls the force user to the bed and lightly brushes their lips together again. He must make this convincing. He has to. He let's his hands travel up the front of Ben’s loose shirt. 

The man pulls away and goes to take his shirt off but Hux places a gentle hand on his chest. “Let's not rush, just stay with me tonight.” He pours any sweetness he has in his body into the sentence.

“You’re right.” Ben nods and gives him a kiss before sitting next to him. Hux opens the covers and let's the other man in first. Once he crawls in Ben drapes an arm over him. The feeling is foreign but tolerable.

He waits till Ben is asleep before slowly inching out from under the arm. He slips on his shoes and quietly makes his way to the door. He grips the handle slowly and pushes it down, the door silently falls open. Freedom.

***  
Ben feels a breeze flowing into the room and stirs. He mentally prepares himself to see a sleeping Hux in his arms. He smiles even at the thought. 

His eyes open and the first site he sees is the door wide open. The next thing is an empty bed. He furrows his brows and his mind frantically searches for an answer. 

He's gone. It slams into him like a wave, he physically finches from the impact of the answer. Hux used him. Warmed up to him and let him believe they held the same affections. Then left. Lured him in and broke him by escaping.

Anger over throws his more sensible instincts and he gets up. Clasping his lightsaber he let's the green blade out and let's out a wounded growl. He raises his arm and brings the lightsaber down on the wall, he lays nasty gashes against the stone. 

He escaped. He has bigger problems then how he got tricked by a First Order low life. He turns the saber off and stalks out of the room. He reaches out through the force and tries to find the signature of the man who betrayed him. 

There he is, making a break for the flight bay. He doesn't run but steps like he's lost all his humanity. The flight bay seems empty but he can hear soft cursing and clanging.

He ignites his lightsaber, “HUX” He roars into the empty bay. The man spins around and there's a frightened look on the gingers face. He has never felt this much sudden urge to kill in all his life. He stomps down into the bay.


	3. Empathy

Hux felt his throat constrict and he gasped for air. Ben’s hand was outstretched in front of him. He thought jedi didn't do these kinds of things. Ben moved like a wild animal as he stalked closer. 

“I can't believe I didn't see it.” Ben sounds hurt, and pissed off. “You used me for your own personal gain!” He's slammed back into the wall. Hux feels a pang of guilt. No. He squashes it. “I JUST LET YOU” The man roars again and flexes his fingers. He's flung forward and actual fingers touch his neck, choking him. “You are going to pay.” the tone is flat and lifeless.

Ben throws him to the ground and kneels, pressing his knee to Hux’s chest. He wheezes at the pressure. Ben raises the saber up between both of his hands. Hux can see his life flash before his eyes.

“BEN.” A man's voice echoes off the walls. “Don't, don't let the dark side consume you. Put it down.” Ben grits his teeth and throws the lightsaber across the room. “Good, let him go.” Hux feels something wet hit his face, the man above him is crying. “Ben, let. Him. Go.”

The tall solemn man rises and steps away from him. He catches his breath. The man who commands Ben has a beard and wears Jedi robes. “Skywalker.”

“General Hux.” Luke nods to him slightly. “Ben I will have a word with you after Hux has been returned to his quarters and locked away.”

“This is not my fault, he-”

“That's better information for my sister, Ben. Give her a report and meet me in my quarters.”

“Yes, master.” Ben bows his head and gives him one last look of silent sadness before leaving the bay.

Luke sighs and shakes his head. “Rey, please grab the General before he gets any ideas.”

He hadn't even noticed the girl standing by Skywalker. She has Jedi robes on as well. She walks calmly to him and grabs his arms. “Hey! Careful!”

“Shut up.” She twists his arms behind him and he's surprised at her strength. Her accent is unlike anything he has ever heard, he's no idea where she would have come from. She's must be a Jedi as well.

“I want to have a word with the General once you take him back to his holding cell.” Luke follows them as they walk.

“You would try to leave too.” he spat as he was tossed back into the room. Back to square one. He'd been foolish again, surrounded by jedi. But it seemed Ben was unstable, seeing as he'd almost killed Hux.

“I want to know why you did it the way you did? You could have done it to anyone, chose a different way of doing things. You hurt my nephew. He loves you, or did, I'm not sure you'll get this lucky ever again.”

“He doesn't mean anything to me, so I used him.”

“People are tools to you. I understand that's how the First Order does it. But Ben didn't know that. You have no empathy, General?”

“I try not to.” he snarled.

Skywalker sighs and nods, “I think it's time you got some. I'm sorry, Brendol.” Luke waves a hand and his eyes go wide. A sharp pain flows through him

***

_ He's standing in a kitchen. There's a small boy, he has dark floppy hair and he has a smile like honey. He recognizes it immediately. Ben Solo as a child. The boy looks up and he sees a much younger Leia walk quickly into the kitchen, searching for something. _

_ “Mommy!” Ben smiles and Hux actually feels the elation from the boy. _

_ "I'm sorry, sweetheart. Not now.” She smiles kindly but he can feel the small boys disappointment. She leaves and Ben looks back down. _

" _Okay.” The boy says to know one._

_ There's a swirl of color and then he's watching the child run up to Han Solo. “Dad!” _

_ "Hey kiddo!” Han hugs the kid and laughs. “I'm sorry kiddo but I have to go.” _

_ Again disappointment floods his being. “How long this time?” _

_ “Not sure, Ben.” _

_ Ben looks down at the floor and his father couches down, placing a thumb on his son's chin and lifting his head. “when I get back we'll celebrate, how about that, kiddo.”Ben smiles wide and nods, “That's my Ben.” Han makes guns with his fingers and says “pew pew!” Ben repeats, laughing. Han Solo stands and ruffles his son's hair, leaving. _

_ Young Ben’s smile fades and a sadness overwhelms Hux. He can feel himself tearing up and desperately tries to stop. _

_ The next scene comes with a painful flash “MOM, DAD. PLEASE.” Ben is crying, only about 7. “I DON'T WANT TO GO.” crying is not a good enough term, sobbing is more like it. _

_ “Son, do as uncle Luke asks of you. He's going to train you to be a Jedi.” _

_ “I don't want to leave, I don't want to be a Jedi! I want to stay here with you!” _

_ "Shh, honey you'll be back.” His mother coos, she's frowning sadly. _

_ Luke takes his arm gently and whispers “You will see them again, I promise.” _

_ Betrayal rises up in Hux as he watches, the child reluctantly goes with Skywalker. Sobbing as he boards a ship with his uncle. He presses his face against the glass window and places a hand on the glass. His parents fading behind them. _

_ Hux is cold and wet now, rain pours down around the new scene. “Benny big nose.” a kid about 12 yells. Hux sees a scrawny teenager pick himself up from the mud. Ben can't be more than 13. _

_ “Stop making fun of me!” Ben yells _

_ “Luke only favors you because your family. Your a nobody besides that.” Another kid chuckles. _

_ Anger rises in him and he can see it  Ben's face. The face is younger but it's the same one that he saw only moments ago directed at him. The lightsaber ignites and Hux has serious deja vu as Ben uses the force to push the kid down into the mud. Knee placed against the kid's chest, lightsaber raised in both hands. _

_ “BEN” Skywalker voice pierces the vision like steel. Teenage Ben seethes with rage as he stands and walks away. “Ben.” Luke follows him into a building. “Ben stop for a second.” _

_ “I never meant to hurt anyone!” The boy is crying again. _

_ “I know, Ben. You must fight the dark side.” _

_ “I miss them, uncle. I want to go home.” _

_ “I know, Ben.” Luke moves and hugs the sobbing boy. _

_ The colors swirl again and Hux ignores the tears running down his cheeks. Ben climbs off the ship and he sees two people waiting for him. He hugs his mother first. _

_ “Oh, how you’ve grown. I am so proud of you, my boy.” she smiles and rubs his back. _

_ Ben has to be about 20 here. “I missed you, mother.” he hugs her tightly. Ben hugs his father too. _

_ "You've got my looks, kid. Consider yourself lucky!” Han laughs as he greets his child. Hux can't help but smile. _

_ “I missed you too, father.” Ben is crying again, but so are his parents. _

_ The scene flips and Hux feels like throwing up. He sees himself, sitting in his room. He sees Ben and hears a voice he knows is the man's “blue, his eyes are blue.” he feels an overwhelming amount of affection burst forward and he stumbles. _

_ “You sure do mope a lot.” Ben smiles. _

_ The colors don’t swirl they churn. Underneath the cherry blossom tree. He sees himself give the hints. Watches as they kiss under the tree. Feels Ben's elation and affection as his own. Watches as they make the trek back to Hux’s room. _

_ Watches as Ben falls asleep, the memory goes dark. Light slowly fades in and Ben sees the open door, eyes flicking to the bed. Hux feels like he's been punched with every emotion. One, realization  Two, grief. Three, shame. Four, anger. Anger worse than anything Ben had felt at his training. Each blow makes him want to groan but no sounds comes out. _

_ Ben stands and let's out an animalistic noise, he sounds wrecked. The green lightsaber ignites and Ben yells as he lays waste to a wall. The man straightens up and turns the saber off. He watches as the man stalks out after him. All the while the anger gets worse and worse. _

_ The lightsaber ignites again “HUX” He can see his own fear, and feel Ben’s satisfaction at it. Feels another punch of sorrow, anger, and satisfaction as Ben throws him around like a toy. _

_ “I will not make the same mistake.” He hears Ben’s voice echo “I will kill this one.” _

_ “BEN” Anger floods him more then it already has. He watches Ben throw the saber again, this time he can feel the man's attempt to control his rage.  As tears fall he can feel the man's regret. Can feel the man's grief and loss as he turns and leaves to tell his mother he let a prisoner escape all because of his shitty feelings. _

_ *** _

Hux gasps back into the real world and falls to his knees, eyes wide and mouth open. “What the fuck was that?!” he feels nauseous as the emotions of his vision leave.

“I showed you Ben Solo’s memories.”

Hux looks up and can't stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks. He's not even sure why he's crying. Everything keeps running past him like a sped up movie. He feels like he's going crazy.

“You must be feeling overwhelmed, General. I'll have them bring you some tea to calm your nerves.” Luke touches his shoulder lightly and Hux gets a flash of Ben hugging the man, he winces at the contract.

“Again, I am sorry. I hope you have gained something from this experience.”

He had, but he wished he hadn't. Gods does he wish he hadn't. Now there was guilt where there had only been cold indifference before. He'd seen a whole man's life. And even if Hux’s father never loved him and only wanted an heir, no one deserved to be ripped from thier parents like Ben was. He felt something that wasn't bile rise in his chest.

What in God's name was happening to him.


	4. Making Up

When the door opens Hux has a small amount of hope in him that it will be Ben. It's not, it's the jedi girl. She brings breakfast in and sets it down. “Where's Ben?”

“You really think he ever wants to see your ass ever again?” She raises an eyebrow. Guilt. He hates that he feels guilty for what he did now.

“No.” she turns to leave and he stares at the food. He's not hungry, he feels nauseous whenever he eats. She comes back in an hour to retrieve the tray.

“Oh, what. Don't tell me you're depressed or something?” She sounds annoyed as she takes the untouched tray.

“It’s possible, whatever Skywalker did.” He trails off. It's silent for a long while.

“You hurt my cousin pretty bad, alright? For some reason he's really upset over you.”

“I want to apologize.”

“Do you mean it?” Her tone softens and he looks up at her.

“Yes, i do.”

“Well,” she pauses again. “I'm not sure he wants to talk to you. He's trying to get over you. I'll see what I can do. Your trial is today. I don't think you'll get the chance to speak to him before that.”

“Trial?” He stands up quickly.

“Since you tried to leave they will have to give you a punishment.” She nods bbto him. “A guard will come back to get you later.”

“Okay.” He sits back down on his bed.

It feels like forever before they come and get him. They tie his hands behind his back and walk him into a large room. Hux spots Ben immediately, man's eyes are downcast and he doesn't stand at the beginning of the trial.

As they proceed it sounds like the General has already made up her mind. She is willing to hear his testimonies but he can tell she's ready to have him executed.

“General Brendol Hux the second, you will be punished by-”

Ben rounds the podium and whispers to his mother. She listens with no change of emotion. He looks at Hux briefly before walking out of the building.

The General sighs. “Hux, on the grounds of the information Ben Solo has given me, you are to spend your time as a prisoner until you can prove otherwise.”

The room bursts into yells, Hux is grabbed by the arms. He can barely stand he's in shock. Ben saved him. Whatever he said had saved his life. He's escorted back to his chamber, Rey is with the guards.

“You are one lucky asshole, Hux.”

“What did he tell her?” He knows she was sitting close to the podium, she had to have heard.

“He said he would stop them no matter who got hurt. He wouldn't let anything happen to you, even if it makes him a traitor. Again, lucky he didn't say her to have you tortured before death.”

“He saved me.” He can hear disbelief in his own voice.

“He sure did.”she nods.

He has to find a way to get to Ben. He has to make it up to the man.

***

In the coming weeks he's given new clothes, Rey says Ben helped in getting them to him. He’s appreciative of the gesture. Another thing he can add to the list of “thank Ben for.”

Rey bursts in with a smile on her face. Hux has come to call her an acquaintance. She visits him now that Ben doesn't.

“He's alone!” She grins and bounces her way to where he stands.

“Rey, this means nothing to me. Explain.”

“He's alone, repairing a vehicle on the cliff side next to the flight bay, c'mon. Lets go!” She grabs his arm. He can only assume she means Ben. She wants to take him to talk to the man. He follows her a bit reluctantly. “He’s over there,” She points and pushes him. “Go.” She giggles.

“What if I'm not ready for this?”

“Come off it, you like him. He likes you. Just talk!”

He blushes “I do not.”

“Ugh, I get it your pride is fragile, but who cares. This is your chance. You told me you wanted to thank him and apologize. Now is that time.” She crosses her arms and taps her foot.

“Fine,” he spins around towards the man. From far away Hux can see him against the blue sky and green grass. He's working on a cruiser. Ben is wearing a loose fitting shirt, his hair tied back into a messy bun. The man reaches for his water and in doing so looks at Hux. Without taking a drink Ben returns to his work quickly.

Hux straightens the collar on his shirt and stands up a bit straighter. He walks like he used to, arms behind his back like he means business. It quickly fades, he knows he looks ridiculous, and he is trying to be humble. “Ben.” His voice comes out quiet.

“Hux.” The words have a bit of ice behind them, the man doesn't look up from his work.

“Ben, I want to-”

“Hux,” The man interrupts him “the problem is not within you, or within me.” Ben looks up at him and his breath catches. He doesn't remember the brown in the man's eyes being so intense. Maybe it's because now he sees all of the struggles in Ben. “The problem is that you used me.”

Ben stands looking down and him. “but I forgive you.” the man smiles warmly “I forgave you the moment I saw you at the trial. The moment I knew my mother was going to kill you.”

“You stopped her. I'm forever in your debt.” Hux inclines his head.

“You are lucky I love you, Brendol Hux the second.” Hux’s heart swells, he can see the emotion in Ben's eyes just as much as he hears it from the man's lips. “I'll try to see if I can get your charges waved slightly, get back some luxuries tha-”

Hux leans forward and places his lips on the man's cheek, stopping the words as the flow. “Thank you, Ben.” He steps away, the man's eyes are wide and his cheeks are red in embarrassment.

“Y-You're welcome”

He looks down at his feet before raising his eyes and softly saying “I'm sorry, for what did.” There's a pause of awkward silence. “Maybe we could start over? For real this time.”

“I’d like that.” The Jedi nods and slowly smiles again.

“I'm not sure I'll ever be good company, though. I'll always be bitter and mean.”

“I don't care.” Ben grins.

Ben escorts him back to his room and he actually feels happy for the first time since he was captured.

In the morning the door opens and he smells breakfast. “Rey, I hope you brought coffee with that.” he smirks as he gets up.

From the living space he hears another voice “Of course I brought coffee.” It's a man s voice. He smiles wider as he enters the living space. Ben is setting up two trays of food.

“I missed seeing you.” It escapes his filter but he finds he doesn't really care.

“Oh really?” Ben sits down.

“Possibly, hard to miss a face like that.” He smirks as he sits down.

“Your jeers won't have any affect on me, I know they're fake.”

“Darn, you're starting to see through me.” He playfully hisses.

“Eat your breakfast, Gingerbread.”

Hux tosses a piece of toast at the man's face. 


	5. Reluctant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, life's crazy

 "I don't know about this.” Hux shook his head lightly. He was looking at two standard cruisers. The y were rusted slightly but Ben said they were the two fastest cruisers on the planet.

“are you telling me that Starkiller isn't as tough as we all thought he was?” Ben runs his large hands over the surface of one.

“no!”

“right, I already knew that.” The man snickers at him. 

“fuck you, how do I pilot one.” 

Ben climbs onto one of the rusted machines and grabs two handles. “just push or pull.” he moves them forwards and backwards. “and lean to steer.”

“fine, I'll do it.” Hux climbs onto the second one and grips the handles. 

“okay, the race stops and ends here. We'll go around the compound, by the cliff side, all the way around the middle building over there and back. Okay?”

“sounds good.”

“poe!” Ben yells to a dark haired man. “wanna be our referee.”

The man struts over. “didn't your mom tell you these are dangerous?” He's joking but Ben rolls his eyes. 

“I fixed them, they're fine.”

“oh, just like you fixed the glider.” Poe snorts at a memory. “fell right in the water, not even two seconds after pushing off!” the man is laughing now.

Ben looks embarrassed. “I've actually fixed these!” he hisses.

“find I'll be your referee. Hey there Starkiller.”

“Hux, please.” he huffs. 

“start your engines gentlemen.”

Hux looks down and finds actually button on the side of the cruiser, he jabs his finger into it and the machine roars to life. Ben's does the same.

“wow they actually run.”

“shut up and count Poe.” Ben rolls his eyes with a smile. 

“Alright alright, one.” Hux smiles and hunters down on the machine. “two” he reeves the engine and Ben grins next to him. “three! Go!” Hux jams the handles forward and let's out a laughing yelp and he shoots forward. He has no time to recover as Ben is next to him laughing wildly. He speeds around the man. 

He's never felt this much elation, this much pure enjoyment. There's a war going on out there and he's here, with Ben. He's pretty sure he's walking the fine line between friendship and something else but he tries to focus on how beautiful the ocean looks over the cliff side. 

“Focus, Hux!” the cruiser speeds past him and he, yet again, jams the handles forward. As they pass Poe and gain gain he yells “Tie!”

“No way,” Hux climbs off the rusty machine. “I was in front of him.”

Poe shrugs. “whatever.”

“Where you really paying attention?” Ben raises an eyebrow.

“Not really. See you later!” the man smiles and walks and walks away from them

“I won, fair and square.” Hux smiles and crosses his arms, “and you know it.”

“it don't know what you're talking about,” Ben shrugs. “it doesn't really matter anyways. C’mon.” the man starts to walk and he has to jog slightly to catch up and walk beside him. “I was thinking, we kind of have this thing, we go out at night and swim.”

“that sounds cold and miserable.”

“it's really fun, I swear.” 

“Aren't you some twenty-6 years old? This sounds like something a teenager does.”

“I'm allowed to have fun here, unlike your First Order regimes.”

He grimaced, it was true though, not a lot of fun was to be had when you were trying to take over the galaxy. “there's a war going on and all you do it's mess around.”

“that shouldn't rob us of what we like to do. It's a lot of work but we should be given happiness right? Come with us tonight?”

“who's us?”

“Rey, Poe, Finn, and me.”

“oh yes, because they want me there.” His voice holds so much sarcasm. 

“you don't know they don't. I want you to be there.” Ben's voice is soft.

“fine,” he sighs.

“great! I'll come get you tonight!” Ben grins. They walk in silence for a while before Ben looks at him. “You're getting kinda scruffy.”

“excuse me?” Hux raises an eyebrow. 

The man points to his own face, making a circle around his chin and mouth, “I'll try to see if I can get you a razor.”

Hux is caught off guard by the genuine offer. He hates looking unkempt. He's been meaning to around nods he just didn't think anyone would give him the time of day. 

“what, have I actually got the First Order’s General speechless?”

“I was going to he thank you, but now that you're being being a petulant child I don't think I will.”

“you're welcome.” Ben s,isles with victory send Hux just can't help but let a small tug of his lips and the man's joy. 

“I'll take you back to your room and go ask. I'm sure you want to look clean shaven for tonight.”

“what time exactly?”

“not till sometime as round midnight. Hope you can stay up long enough.” the man jokes and grins. 

***

Hux sits waiting for Ben for longer than expected. It's always so cold and boring in his room. The door opens and he straightens up. 

“I got one, but there's rules.”

“there's always rules.”

And that's how they ended up standing, Ben with a knife to Hux’s throat. “I swear, if you fuck this up-”

“I have to do it, you might try to use it against me they said.”

“but I won't and you know it. Just give it to me.”

“General, how foolish. You know this room has cameras in it.” 

“and you were going to have sex with me in this room only months ago. I don't think you're in any place to talk.”

“Just let me do it, I won't mess up.”

Ben glides the sharp edge over his cheeks and throat. It's actually rather intimate and Hux finds himself growing flustered. Ben could kill him if he wanted.he's reminded of the pure rage and hate the man had used to almost kill him before. He moved his face when Ben gently applied pressure to his cheek. This wasn't about killing, it was about trust. He trusted Ben to not kill him and Ben trusted him to not use the blade against him. To not betray him again. 

“there. Rinse. I told you I wouldn't mess up.” Ben pulls away from him and he takes the warm water in the sink and splashes his face. He inspects the man's work. 

“you did a nice job actually. Thank you”

“you are very welcome. I'll be back at night to pick you up.” the man practically skips. 

He laughs, “it's not a date, Solo.”

“whatever you want to think, Brendol.” the man smiles as he opens the door to leave. “try not to miss me too much!”

He scooped up a shoe and tosses it we the closing door with a smile.

***

Hux has fallen asleep long before Ben comes to get him. He wakes up as he's shaken violently. “hey, get up. Let's go.”

“Right now?” Hux groans.

“yes, right now. You said you would!”

“fine, fine.” Hux gets up reluctantly and follows he giddy man. They reach a beach and Ben heads for the water. “there's no one here.”

“oh, looks like they are not coming.” Ben shrugs and he can see the small smug grin.

“You tricked me!”

“honestly, I just wanted to spend time with you.”

Hux grumbles. He will admit that it looks beautiful. The two moons of this planet cast shimmering beams across the pitch black water. Anxiety rises up in him. 

Ben looks back, up to his waist in water. “what?”

“anything live in these oceans?”

“Yeah, but nothing that's going to eat you, cmon.” the man holds out his hand. 

“just in these clothes?”

“yes, anymore questions, Hux?” He walks to the water and takes the man's hand, the water is surprisingly warm. “there we go. Not so bad is it?”

“I guess not. Though what I'm wearing is ruined.”

“I'll get you a different outfit to replace that one tomorrow.” Ben rolls his eyes and travels further into the water. “cmon, it's low tide.”

“you want to go further into this gods forsaken ocean?”

Ben only laughs and nd wades in until he can just stand up. “Cmon!”

For the third time that night Hux follows reluctantly, he doesn't like not knowing what's going on under the water. It feels thick like ink and Hux has a small panic attack, he reaches out to grip the only thing he can, Ben.

He grabs onto the man's arms and the man grips him,”hey, I've got you, Bren.”

He's never heard this nickname before, he looks up. The man is looking down at him with a small wonder in his eyes. Warning sirens are going off in his head. The man looks at his lips and the sirens over power him. 

“take me back to my room. Now.” he let's go of the man and starts back to the shore. It takes Ben and long while before he hears the man following. 

“Hux, i-” 

“no, you've done enough.” Hux crosses his arms and shivers when he's out of the warm water. 

“I was unaware I was doing anything.”

Hux spins around and puts his finger on the man's chest. “shut up.” He can't tell Ben what's going through his mind. He has to think about this, or rather try to forget this moment ever happened. Ben follows him like a lost and confused puppy. “open the door!” Hux nods to his room and Ben quickly enters in a code. 

Hux storms in, the door closing behind him with a slam. Gods what had he gotten himself into? What happened to trying to get out of here? What happened to using 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a good 2 more chapters planned out in my head so don't worry, there's more for sure!


	6. Fair Exchange

Hux was still angry the morning after. He sat steaming, waiting for Ben like normal. It wasn't really Ben's fault and he knew that, he was still angry at his own foolishness. He'd let himself get too close. There was a knock on the door. He knew it was Ben but the man never knocked. He must be feeling guilty, good.

“Come in.” His voice sounded irritated but all previous emotions dropped off the face of the planet when he saw the man. Ben didn't look at him, only the floor. The air of the room became solemn with the man's entrance. This wasn't about last night, this was something else. Why would he knock?

“Your going away aren't you.” His voice lowered to a softer tone.

“Yes.” A simple answer. “Guards will come and will take you for walks if you ask, they'll bring you food as well.”

“Rey is going too?”

“They need all the help they can get.”

“How long?” He knows he's outwardly showing worry. He can't seem to care, though.

“I have no idea.”

Hux stands and takes quiet steps to reach the gloomy man. He places and hand on the man's cheek, it's effective in getting Ben to look at him. “You are going to come back, safe and sound. You will.” He's not sure who he's reassuring. “I'll be waiting for you. You're all the joy I get in my current dismal state.” The words are meant to be harsh but come out endearing. He kisses the man's cheek and hugs him.

Ben folds his arms around Hux, and only pulls away to say “They are waiting for me.” He's flattered that the man asked to come visit him before he left.

Hux can't find words so he only nods.

***

Guards are the only people he sees for months. It gives him lots of time to reflect on his feelings. Eventually he comes to a conclusion, he needs to talk this out with Ben. The walks the guards take him on aren't the same, they aren't filled with laughs and friendly banter. He misses his walks with Ben. He feels like a serious part of him is missing. It only adds to the confusion he feels over his feelings.

Part of him wants to be with the man. He knows he's in love. He can feel it every time he thinks of the man smiling. It swells up in him like a tidal wave. It feels like if he ignores it, it will only get worse. He already feels like he's falling apart.

Other parts of him know it's dangerous, love can fade like a scar. He will grow stronger out of his victory in ignoring his feelings. Only bad things can come out of their relationship, for a lack of better word. The General will be unhappy, though, this makes him a little giddy. He knows that Jedi aren't supposed to have relationships. Anakin’s  downfall was his secret marriage and it would most likely become Ben’s. The other man could get in serious trouble if they are found out. If Hux was in peril the man would sacrifice himself.

In the end the bads out weigh the goods. But God's does it feel good. The fluttering in his heart was something he was never allowed to feel. Any time he had; he felt ashamed. It feels good to let himself be happy.

Hux is on one of his walks that morning, the two guards following him closely. Contemplating it all for the thousandth time in the past months. The wind picks up and Hux looks up at the sky, a ship returning to the bay is landing and his stomach does a flip. He turns to the guards. “I request to meet Ben Solo.”

The two guards look at each other and back to him, “I don't see why not.” One answers. They walk calmly behind him but he knows he’s rushing. The ship is just unloading its passengers. Ben steps off as one of the first, followed by Rey. His breath catches in his throat. He runs at the man and Ben's face contorts into confusion and then surprised glee.

Hux is easily welcomed to open arms. He holds on for dear life, “I missed you, Solo.”

“It took longer than expected.”

“I can tell. Listen. “ he pulls away “I need to talk to you.”

“Okay.” The man sounds unsure.

“HANDS OFF.” Some men are struggling to control a women, he knows this women.

“Phasma?” he pushes away from Ben and walks towards her. She looks up at her name.

“Hux? Is that you?”

“Yes, it's me.” Ben motions for the men to stop dragging her along. Her armor has been stripped away and all that's she's wearing is a tank top with some raggedy pants. Likely given to her aboard the ship. He hasn't seen her face since they were children.

“Everyone thinks you're dead.” She looks him over “You're not even injured.”

“Of course not.” He can't get over the shock of seeing her again. He expected to never see her again, ever.

One of the soldiers speaks up, “Sir, General Organa wants to see her.”

“I'm sorry, Hux. Carry on.”

He stands in disbelief as they drag her struggling form off. “I hope you're not angry, though, I can understand why you would be.”

The two emotions fight for control over him. He takes steady breaths. Who was the person he wanted nothing more to see? Ben. He can't fuck this up now.

“Just a little, but I think I'll get over it. I need to have a serious conversation with you. Now.”

“Right.” The man nods to him with a smile, he missed that smile.

***

They make it back to Hux’s room and he sits in a large chair, Ben sits in front of him.

“I've wanted to talk to you too, actually.” The man tilted his head slightly, “Can I request something of you?”

“By all means, Ben.” He nods to the man.

“Can I see your memories? I know you saw mine.”

The question surprises him enough to shoot his eyebrows upwards and his lips part slightly, he catches himself from letting his jaw drop. Ben knows he saw them. Ben wants to see his. “It’s only fair, I suppose.”

“All about equal trades, huh, General?” The man smiles.

“Listen, I'm not thrilled about you seeing into my head. You’re going to see some things you don't like.”

“I understand.”

“Then why don't you get on with it?”

“Okay.” There was a tickling sensation in his head, right at the base of his skull and then the room dissolved into white light, Hux squinted against its invasive brightness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if it seems short. It's because it is. I wanted a transition and kind of wanted to get to the really exciting part: Hux's memories. These will in no way be cannon just like Ben's weren't. I wanted to give Hux's memories their own separate chapter too.


	7. Memories

_ Hux was suddenly at his home. His mother standing to the right of his father. He was confused for several moments. Then he remembered giving access to his mind. He wondered if this is how Ben knew, because he had lived the memories over again as Hux watch them. He could feel the light tickle in his mind.  _

_ “Son!” The man that was his father towered over him. _

_ “Father-” _

_ “You will call me sir, and nothing else, boy.” _

_ He could only nod under the harsh gaze of his parents, he felt humiliated, just as he had as a child. The pain dulled suddenly and he had one thought in his head “ _ Ben.”

_ The room fell apart, not swirled like Ben’s had. He raised his fists, the boy before him grinning. “You think you can just run things because your father is important?” _

_ He remembered this fight well. He was about 12, his first years in the academy. His left fist shot out without him even doing it. As if on autopilot. He kept his stance well trained the entire time the boy swung wildly at him. A hard round house kick to the boys face marked him the winner, Hux spit on the ground. He had crumpled his uniform and his hair became disheveled. _

_ “Whoa, are you okay?” The girl who came over had blonde hair. He readied himself for another attack and she put up her hands, “That was some good fighting ” She grinned. _

_ He looked down at the boy. “Thank you.” His voice was distant, but oh so young, it felt foreign. _

_ "You are Hux’s kid, right? Brendol?” _

_ “Please call me Hux.” He extended his hand. _

_ She gripped it strongly, “Phasma, just Phasma.” He remembered smiling to himself and thinking he would always want her by his side as his equal. _

_ The room actually sprung into a new scene this time. _

_ His commanding officer is standing before him , tall and rigid, yet Hux is taller than him. 6 foot and showing great initiative. “This is Lasky. He'll be working with you.” The man is shorter than him and has short choppy brown hair. “Lasky, this is Hux.” _

" _It's a pleasure.” The man offers his hand and smiles, he doesn't smile back but does take the hand. If only he had really known._

_ Hux blinks as if in pain and there they are. In bed together, touching each other and removing clothing. _

_ The scene stops just as it's begun and suddenly he's seeing himself with Lasky. Everything has stopped and  Ben is standing next to him. “This memory is painful for you, I can feel it.” _

_ “Yes.” Is all he gives as an answer. _

_ “Did you love him?” _

_ “I wasn't aloud to.” He can’t stop staring at the man in the bed with him. _

_ “But did you?” It's more concerned than pushing. _

_ “It gets worse, can we move on? I want to get this over with.” _

_ Ben disappears as well as the scene before them. He's now standing in front of Snoke, Lasky is next to him. _

_ “Hux, I have good and bad news for you.” The hologram says. “Good news, you are being promoted to General. Congratulation, General Hux.” _

_ He feels prideful in that moment, a small smile making its way to his lips, “Thank you, Supreme Leader.” _

_ “Bad news, I know of you and Lasky.” Hux’s heart drops, his smile wiped from his face. “You know what happens when you have connections. This is against the rules of the First Order, General.” _

_ The title stings, soldiers grab Lasky.  “You know we can't have that, fire.” Snoke waves a hand and the soldiers shoot the man next to him. His heart rate speeds up and tears sting the corners of his eyes. _

_ He swallows any retorts he has and quietly says “ Yes, Supreme Leader.” His voice is choked. _

_ “Dismissed, General Hux.” The hologram fades and Hux falls to his knees. He gently touches the man's face, rubbing his thumb along his cheek. A team of two men lift the body into a stretcher and wheel him away. _

_ Hux barely makes it back to his room. Once there he yells aloud and swipes the papers off his desk. They fall around him as he seethes  He's panting in anger, and at some point the panting  turns to sobs and he falls to the floor.   _

_ The pain dulls then, and Hux remembers that Ben is watching. He let's the next memory flow even though he's not ready. _

_ “General.” He hears a familiar voice. It's slightly British and holds a commanding tone. He spins around to the source of the voice. “Captain Phasma, reporting in.” _

_ He can't help but smile, “I knew we would see each other again.” _

_ He spends most his time with her after that, she is loyal to him. Always at his side and always obeying his orders. _

_ “Sir, I don't know about this.” _

_ “It's a short trip to D’aqur. I'll be back in no time, our ship is cloaked and I won't be in uniform.” He should have listened to her. _

_ “Yes, sir.” She still sounds unsure. _

_ The lights dim and he remembers the rebels storming his ship. One in particular is storming towards him and Hux reaches for a weapon. The man says “sorry” and reaches out a hand. He feels his pulse quicken but he slips into unconsciousness. _

_ “it was you!” He stops the memories. _

_ Ben smiles sheepishly next to him, “it was my mission, Hux.” _

_ He waves his hand and turns away, “whatever.” the memories flow again. He can feel how much he hated the man when they met, the moment he looked in the mirror and had a plan. _

_ “That early?” Ben's voice rings in his head. He skips to talking to Ben and how happy he is when they spend time together. He's choosing to show the man these memories of him thinking everything over and how in the moonlight he had looked into Ben's eyes and thought him beautiful. _

_ “That's why you wanted to leave?”  the voice is hesitant as if interrupting an intimate moment. _

_ “Watch.” he says back. Ben tells him he's leaving and Hux yet again hugs the man. Hux shows the elation of seeing him alive and coming back to him, safe and sound. Then they are walking back to his room. _

He's slammed out of his memories and actually jumps in his chair. He rubs his eyes.

“Was everything in those memories true.”

“They were memories, Ben. Of course they were.”

Ben's cheeks visibly darken and he's silent. Hux waits but no answer comes and now he's convinced he won't get one unless he makes the move. He sighs and gets up, “Stop being such a baby, get up.”

The man stands immediately. He takes a deep breath as he lightly touches the man's hands. “Don't be afraid, I won't run this time.” he let's his voice be the softest it's ever been. Ben relaxes as he molds the man's hands to hold his hips. Ben is shaking.

Hux gently let's his hands cup the man's cheeks. He presses their lips firmly together, nothing like he did when he was plotting to run. He wants Ben to know he's sincere. The man let's out a small noise like he's finally being given a reward for waiting.

This kiss doesn't last long but the second one does, Hux moves his arms to pull the man closer. He wraps his arms around the man's neck and grips the fluffy black hair. He let's out a soft sigh as the man tries to get at this neck. Brushing his large nose against his own pale skin.

He moves his hands to slide over the man's back and buries his face into Ben's shoulder. He inhales the sweet scent of the jedi. Ben peppers his neck in sweet kisses. He smiles again and grips onto the man tightly as he flings them towards the bedroom part of his room. They land on the bed with two little bounces. Hux snickers as he positions his thighs on either side of Ben's hips.

“I've made this mistake before.” the tone is not soft enough for Hux’s taste.

“If you don't trust me, go lock the door.”

Ben's eyes travel towards the door, then back to him. The man takes a deep breath, “I’m going to trust you.” He squeezes Hux’s thighs, he can't help but smile at the man below him.

“Thank you.” he leans down and kisses Ben, he moves his legs and lays down on the man, pillowing his head on his arms. “I'll see you in the morning.”

“If I don't, I will find you, Brendol Hux.” The man encircles him with his arms.

_ “ _ Noted” Hux smiles as he drifts off to sleep. 


End file.
